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On my way to self-love part 1

This morning I received a lovely post by my occasional life coach Xenia Ayioits. I wanted to share the exercise she emailed to help us on our way to self-love, and my answers. The link to download the questions is here:

Xen can be followed on Facebook

There are 14 questions, so I am going to do 7 today, and 7 tomorrow… to spread the love ;-)

1) What does love mean to you?
For me, love is the bond I have with my husband, my family, my friends and my cats. It feels different for each relationship but it underscores how much I care and the grief I would feel should that person/cat leave my life.

2) What are the biggest obstacles in your way preventing you from loving yourself?
Disbelief in my own value, society’s values that say because I am fat I am not worth the same as a slimmer woman

3) If you could go back in time, what loving words would you say to yourself at age 6, 12, 18, 24…?
Ooh this is a hard one. At age 6, I felt that everyone loved me, so I wouldn’t really have much else to say. At 12 I was starting to discover womanhood, and the pressures behind that. So I would say to my 12-year old self, “no matter what people say, and what people do, focus on being the best that you can. Find a role model who is successful, irrespective of how she looks, and follow her steps, read about her struggles, and don’t judge your girl friends”.
At 18, I was recovering from anorexia (binge eating is the other side of the coin FYI). I would be a lot kinder to my 18 year old self. I would have explained that anorexia is a form of trying to take back control. I would have pointed out how controlling my parents were (and still try to be), and advise my skinny suffering self that I need to join a support group who can teach me about personal value and self-love. One of the best things that happened to me during this period of my life was to meet up with a lady who’s daughter had died from complications from anorexia. She said the right words, never held me in judgement, and didn’t try to control anything I did. I didn’t value the relationship as much as I should have so I would have gently reminded myself to open my heart and mind fully to what this kind soul had to say, and learn from her suffering as I am deserve to fully heal.
At 24, I was beginning to settle into who I am as a person, refine my character, and find out what I truly wanted from life. Around this age I have been fortunate to travel a lot, have a great group of friends, and experience cultures from all around the world. I would say to my 24 year old self, that I love who you are becoming, and I wouldn’t change anything.

4) What are 3 things you love about yourself?
The colour of my eyes, my intelligence, my organisation skills

5) Where and with whom do you feel really loved?
I feel loved at a family gatherings, where I am involved, and family want to know what has been happening in my life. I adore these events!
I feel loved when my husband opens the house door for me each night when I get home, and gives me a big hug welcoming me home.
When my cat looks at me with pure adoration in his face, and wants my attention, no matter what i look like, my heart melts.

6) What is something loving you wish someone would say to you?
Ugh, another toughie. I need to reflect for a few minutes on this one.
I think I would like my parents to say that they love me, no matter the mistakes I have made to date. My folks are good people, and I know they love me, but they have never said these words exactly. They tell me often that they love me, but It would be nice to know that the acknowledge I made some pretty big boo boos growing up, and they love me anyway. Gosh that makes me feel a bit weepy.

7) Say that thing to yourself – and again
OK bring on the tissues! How did that just cut to the heart of the matter, literally. Wow.

I’m gonna pause here, and reflect on all of this, and carry on tomorrow.

I hope that my fellow contestants find this a useful exercise, I’d love to read about it in your blogs if you do take on the challenge. Sleep tight all!

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    Danielle Beder
    February 14th 2018

    I love this so much. I also grew up with tough parents. Having battled with my weight from 6 years old I understand your journey implicitly. I battle with food addiction and binge eating so I was seeing a therapist for it. Thank you for sharing your story. Sending love your way!

    Tracy Lee Campbell
    February 14th 2018

    Thanks so much for your feedback Danielle. Happy Valentines Day 💜


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